Who's Line Is it Anyway Zelda Style!
by Aimee16
Summary: the title explains it all. Jeez, what more do I have to say? It's fun! It's funny! It's great! It's been made for your reading pleasures... er... RR! ;D


A/N: Howdy! ^^; I've noticed there's been alittle more interest in the "Who's Line is it, Anyway" parodies... so I wanted to try some myself! Oh god oh god, how well will I do on this? C'mon R/R!  
  
Disclaimer: I am.. getting so hot.. I wanna take my clothes off...  
  
Who's Line is it Anyway -- ZeLdA StYLe!  
  
by Aimèe  
  
  
  
Camera zooms in on audience, while title screen appears...  
  
Nabooru: Aiyo! Welcome to Who's Line is it Anyway! Tonight we have with us:  
  
I always win in the end! Lavishing Link! *Link pretends he's looking beautiful*  
  
Will someone get this pink turban off me? Princess Zelda! *Zelda glares*  
  
He gave me piggy-back rides in my naked youth! Zora Princess Ruto! *Ruto waves like she's the star of the show*  
  
And finally:  
  
I'll be back in the third series! The villanous Ganondorf! *Ganondorf tries to act smug*  
  
Nabooru: Now that we all know each other, those who are new to the show, I'll explain what we're all about. I, the smart one, make these four contestants randomly act out scenes, and etc. Everything's made up from the top of their heads as they go along and of course, I reward them with points, but the points don't matter. Yes folks, this is just a gimmick so the host, which is I, the smart one, always has something to say. At the end I pick the one that I like the most and they get to do a little something special with me--  
  
Link: *feigning sickness*  
  
Nabooru: --Let's start the game on with "Questions Only!" This is a game for all four players. They can only speak in questions. You would've realized that sooner or later because it's already the title...Scene is an Anime Convention.. Begin!  
  
Link: Why are you here?  
  
Ruto: Isn't it obvious?  
  
Link: You like anime?  
  
Ruto: Should I like anime?  
  
Link: ...which is your favorite?  
  
Ruto: Why didn't you answer my question?  
  
Link: Because I can't put it in a question (starts laughing)*BuZZeD! Zelda steps up giggling*  
  
Ruto: Why are you so blonde?  
  
Zelda: *looking puzzled* Is this the convention?  
  
Ruto: Didn't you notice the merchandise?  
  
Zelda: So did I come to the right place?  
  
Ruto: Are you... lost?  
  
Zelda: Do I need a map?  
  
Ruto: I-I-I--dunno!! *BuZZeD! Ganondorf steps up*  
  
Zelda: Are you African?  
  
Ganondorf: *laughing* Are you Italian?  
  
Zelda: Do you like Italians?  
  
Ganondorf: *looks a little off* ..do you like anime?  
  
Zelda: *tilts her head* Do I look like one?  
  
*They both laugh as the BuZZeR... buzzes... the finale of Questions Only*  
  
Nabooru: *laughing* 99, 999 for the poor people who had to endure senseless questions. Oh yah and a million points for Link for being the first one to lose.  
  
*Link gives Nabooru the middle finger*  
  
Nabooru: We'll shall ignore the little ignorant crap that Link has turned into and continue on with our next game! This one's called "Let's Make a Date," and once again this is for all contestants. The purpose of this is to make 3 bachelors be picked by the 25-year-old virgin, Zelda.  
  
Zelda: Heyy!!  
  
Ganondolf: *imitating Zelda* I'm so pure! Look at me! But don't touch me!  
  
Nabooru: Er... right.. SO!! Since Link and Ganondorf are our only males, Ruto has picked the life as a cross-dresser in hopes of being as famous as Micheal Jackson.  
  
*Everyone laughs as Ruto has a shocked, but pissed off look on her face*  
  
Nabooru: The 2 bachelors and the cross-dresser are each given a character they must act out and Zelda is given clues so she can find out who they are and kick their asses for mocking her--  
  
*Zelda gives a pout*  
  
(Link snorts as he finds out who he is. Ruto flips the card thingy several different ways before staring baffled at it. Ganondorf rolls his eyes but then has a wierd little grin on his face.)  
  
Nabooru: Ready, set.. Begin!  
  
Zelda: *sitting down with legs crossed and batting her eyelashes thoughtfully* Bachelor number 1... I like to study the pyshics of law and leisure and sometimes trignometry.. What do you like to study?  
  
Link: {Son Goku}*looks completely lost* What...?  
  
Zelda: *blinks* Okaayy... Uh.. Bachelor number 2. Music calms me every time. What calms you down?  
  
Ruto: {Eminem} You know what calms me down?!  
  
Zelda: *shakes her head no slowly*  
  
Ruto: I'm your MOTHERFUCKING conscious! The FUCKIN' CRACK calms your FUCKING ASS DOWN. FUCK OFF BIATCH! *sticks both middle fingers in the air and waves them to the camera*  
  
Nabooru: *laughing her ass off* Sorry peeps, our censors are in adjustment right now...  
  
Zelda: *has a bewildered and frightened look on her face* O-Okay.. Running to Bachelor number 3! Judging by Bachelor number 2's disheveled state, what, might I ask, pisses you off?  
  
Ganondolf: {Stereo-typed Bronx female teenager} List'n GURL, I'll tell yuhz wut pissez me off. Them little HOEZ who be tryin' ta steal MAH MAN *makes a disagreeing MM-MM noise* Them hoez gonna regret their sorray assez when I find 'em, straiddup bitch!  
  
Zelda: *blinks* I thought you were a bachelor?  
  
Ganondorf: *huffs* Gurl, I'm bi. AND WHAT? AND WHAT?  
  
Zelda: O-Oh! Nothing's wrong with that... gurl. Back to number 1.. I like to run around with sharp things in hand. What's your favorite color?  
  
Link: *stupid grin on his face* Nine!  
  
Zelda: *smacks her forehead* Useless... Bachelor number 2?  
  
Ruto: *pretending to be smoking weed* Talk to me cracka.  
  
Zelda: ..yeah. What do you like about women?  
  
Ruto: *answers nonchalantly* The sex.  
  
Zelda: *getting angry* Women aren't used only for sex!  
  
Ganondorf: *stands up* Damn straight we ain't fo' sex! I hope yuhz can HEAR that PLAYA!! THAT'S RIGHT MIKE YUH HEARD ME! LIVE TV AN' EVERYTHANG!!  
  
Link: *pokes Eminem* Hey there!  
  
Ruto: *gets up so fast, she knocks her chair over* DON'T TOUCH ME MOTHERFUCKER!! *pretends to beat up Link*  
  
Ganondorf: *in tears now with her face at the camera* I'm sorry momma! I never meant to hurt you--  
  
Ruto: BITCH! THAT'S _MY_ JAM!  
  
BuZZeD!  
  
(everyone returns to their seats.)  
  
Nabooru: Well that was invigorating! Zelda can you guess who they are?  
  
Zelda: Um... Link is my father.  
  
Nabooru: *laughing* No, Link played the perfect role of... himself.  
  
*Link gives Nabooru a warning glare*  
  
Nabooru: Nah.. he was Son Goku.  
  
Zelda: *looks confused but then realization dawns and she starts chuckling*  
  
Nabooru: And Bachelor number 2?  
  
Zelda: *Thinking* Kid Rock?  
  
Nabooru: o_O True.. but FALSE! Ruto was Eminem.  
  
Zelda: Oh duh! *crooked grin* Bachelor number 3 was a girl from the Projects or something...  
  
Nabooru: Great! Minus 5 billion points to Ganondorf for making horror movies look like Disney next to you! Two points to Link for making Goku seem like my inner-self and 10, 000 points to Ruto for being the cross- dresser! ^^;  
  
*Ruto snorts*  
  
Nabooru: Next game! This one's called "What Did You Say?" This is for Ruto and Ganondorf. They're given paper slips with phrases the audience picked, act out a scene, and pull them randomly throughout their roles. Doesn't matter what they say, I'm gonna love you anyway! And Begin!  
  
~SiLeNcE~  
  
Nabooru: Oh yeah! The scene! *turns to audience* What should the plot should be?  
  
(Various plots are yelled out)  
  
Nabooru: Okie-Dokie! 'Incest between a brother and sister' sounds good to me! ^^;;  
  
Ruto&Ganondolf: O_o  
  
Nabooru: BEGIN!  
  
Ruto: I don't want to be caught up in this...  
  
Ganondorf: *dramatic voice* But... *pulls out slip* ...It's part of, um, complete breakfast!  
  
Ruto: *shocked* Are you saying you don't love me?  
  
Ganondorf: No! My sister, my love... *grabs her hand*  
  
Ruto: *pulls away* I love you too much dear brother! And I had always pondered if..*pulls out slip* riding through the desert will trim my toenails....?  
  
Ganondorf: *laughing* You are so original! That is why I love you.  
  
Ruto: You don't love me! You just love the making out sessions!  
  
Ganondorf: What makes you think that?  
  
Ruto: Well... *pulls out a slip* I saw you with that monkey man the other day!  
  
Ganondorf: *looking offended* That was my mother!  
  
Ruto: You mean OUR mother.  
  
Ganondorf: Oops. *looking offended once more* That was our mother!  
  
Ruto: Liar! You should've just told me you were gay, my now ex-love!  
  
Ganondorf: *pulls out slip* Same to you!  
  
Ruto: Oh! This trash! Let's never fight again!  
  
Ganondorf: I agree!  
  
(they both huggles)  
  
{BuZZeD}  
  
Nabooru: Well that was different!  
  
Link: Sorta reminded you of your home videos, didn't it?  
  
Nabooru: x_X I decline! So that means u end up back with 0 points!!! Nyah! But before we go any further, we're gonna run some commercials! Don't go away!  
  
___________________________________________________________ A stroll 'round ur backyard is: Blood is: Aimèe is: A - Boring A - Vomitsville A - Cute B - Relaxing B - Awesome B - Adorable C - Fun C - Nuttin spcl. C - Sweet KNOW YOUR MOTTO'S IN LYF! Mostly: A's = "You've obviously mistakened me for someone who gives a fuck" B's = "You laugh because I'm different, but I laugh because you're all the same." C's = "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me." ALL 3 = "How can u face ur problems when ur problem is ur face?"  
  
* AbTCH Pr0DkShUnz *  
  
Nabooru: And we're back! Our next game is called "Duets." Link and Zelda will be stepping up to our stage. We need an audience member...  
  
(Hops off her chair and goes to any person)  
  
Nabooru: Hey there! What's your name?  
  
Man: Joey.  
  
Nabooru: Joey! Okay, what do you do for a living?  
  
Man: I'm a secret lone international spy that works for the FBI, CIA, AND MBI. But you weren't suppose to know that.  
  
Nabooru: o_o; Okay, so what do you do for a living?  
  
Joey: *shrugs* I'm a drug dealer.  
  
Nabooru: Rad dude! Let's get you on stage!  
  
(Joey goes on stage and sits in a stool in the middle)  
  
Nabooru: Okay Joey, Link and Zelda are going to duet about your career. The style is... *shuffles through some papers* Ah! City High's "Caramel." So let's hear it for Vanessa Carlton on the piano! Annnnnnnnnnd start!  
  
~"Caramel" melody is being played the piano~  
  
Zelda&Link: *trying to sing*  
  
You say I smoke cocaine but it's not the same I no bigger than game but I like nice bling I like.. lighting matches and brag 'bout fame I wouldn't mind being a stripper cuz I go "Cha-Ching"  
  
(Link quirks an eyebrow at that)  
  
*Audience roars, encouraging them to continue*  
  
I like going out, getting fucked and stuff I like to 'round up all my guys cuz we puff too much I enjoy fly nights at home cuz I'm fuckin ya And though I ain't a ho means ya still gotta pay up  
  
~Joey is laughing hysterically and the ratings are going up~  
  
Anywhere I go I got it! And anything I want I rob it! Say hi to fly guys Say bye who tell lies  
  
(Link wasn't too sure he liked that part about the guys, but Zelda urged him on)  
  
Baby lick me up my thigh! (I'm feelin it) That's the kinda thing I like! (just kickin it) Then let's get high and then maybe we could go all night long just make sure your cash ain't gone lemme tell you my drugs are strong and I don't trust alot of men cuz they could be dressed as women!  
  
~Everyone laughs as they all stare at Ruto~  
  
Anywhere I go I got it! And anything I want I rob it! Buy drugs to get high Let me touch the sky!  
  
(Nabooru buzzes them and everyone is laughing their ass off. Joey goes back to his seat. So does everyone else for that matter.)  
  
Nabooru: Guys! That was the best all night!  
  
*Link and Zelda pretend to look bashful and modest*  
  
Nabooru: Million points to Joey and Link! And 50 points for Zelda.  
  
Zelda: How come they got more?  
  
Nabooru: Cuz I like them better. OH-KAY!! The next game is called "What do YOU Think?" All four contestants and... what should we have?  
  
Some Guy: Porn star!!!!  
  
Nabooru: kewl! *writes*  
  
Some Girl: Turtles!!  
  
Nabooru: o_e turtles...?  
  
Some Crackhead: Journalists!!!!!!!  
  
Nabooru: *scratches her head* Wierd! *writes*  
  
Some Other Guy: Bad Companies!  
  
Nabooru: *writes*  
  
Some Other Girl: Britney Spears!!  
  
Nabooru: *writes* OK! That'll be enough. So now we start off with what a porn star really thinks... ssssssssssssttttttttttttaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrtiiiiiinnnnnnng NOW!  
  
Ruto: Yep, I'll be pregnant in 3 hours!  
  
~BuZZ~  
  
Link: What HIV again? Jeez this is the fifth time.. this week!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Ganondorf: I wonder if we can still use those condoms?  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Zelda: What condoms?  
  
*Ganondorf snorts: Oh yah that's right!*  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Nabooru: What journalists think.  
  
Zelda: Aimèe is thee master of all fanfiction!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Nabooru: Hey! You only said that say the she can like you best! You prick!  
  
*Zelda sticks out her tongue*  
  
~BuZZ!~~BuZZ!~~BuZZ!~  
  
Link: Today's agenda: Stalk some celebrities...  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Ruto: If I don't use grammar... does that mean I can't spell?  
  
Nabooru: What are you talk-- oh wait ~_~ that's a toughie!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Ganondorf: Never let crackheads pick journalists.  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Nabooru: Bad Companies!  
  
Link: God, Sailor Moon's producers are such DICs!  
  
Nabooru: Hey! This isn't what YOU think, it's what the company thinks! Retard!  
  
Link: So? I'm bending the rules!  
  
Nabooru: Jeez! Ok just for A LITTLE BIT! But stay on target!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Zelda: If you want trash, count on FUNimation!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Ruto: Duuurrhh... I are a bad dubbing company, we no... want to see cartoons bleed!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Ganondorf: We got nice and sweet cartoons runnin'! Huh? What's anime?  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Nabooru: Britney Spears  
  
Ruto: Oops I popped them again!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Zelda: *singing tune "I'm a Slave 4 U"* I will dddddddaaaaaaance for foooood!  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Link: I'm not a girl.... not even woman! *cracks up*  
  
~BuZZ!~  
  
Ganondorf: Christina Aguilera = Shitstina Fagaylera!  
  
~BuZZ!~~BuZZ!~  
  
Nabooru: X_x You guys are seriously messed up! But I've chosen the winner...  
  
::Drum roll::  
  
Nabooru: It's a tie o_O Ganondorf and Link. Umm.. I'll let Ganondorf sit at my booth doing what he does best--absolutely nothing, and Link can join us! We end our show with everyone's favorite thing: THE HOE DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link:  
  
I like to be the hero in every single game cuz I cut down all the monsters which leads me into fame but in the end I don't get paid it's really such a shame cuz in then without no money you won't be able to get laid!  
  
*Link dances around victoriously*  
  
Zelda:  
  
I may be the royal one but I don't get too vain I try to keep my patience and try to stay the same But in the midst of this fic you review with just a click and don't flame her cuz then you'll be a fucking dick!  
  
*Aimèe smirks*  
  
~The audience is thundering, and some are clapping along~  
  
Nabooru:  
  
I live in the fortress with my big desert clan My workers are so lazy they don't really give a damn But we're all thieves and we don't care So we tried to catch him one day Link whispered in our ears and told us he was really gay  
  
*Nabooru runs away from Link as he chases her around*  
  
Ruto:  
  
I am so special and I'll tell you why My skin is really blue and I have some extra eyes! But Link broke my heart one day out of the blue You're not my kinda girl he said and duh you're a fish too!  
  
*Everyone sings: "Duh you're a fish too!"*  
  
[Aimèe: NOW GO AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!] 


End file.
